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Prithee, Do Not Ask for Love

Made margaritas for my mom and me tonight. She decided to take video of me shaking them up in this really old cocktail shaker that she got from my aunt recently. Good times.

I just showed my dad a dress online that my mom had seen in a store and really liked when she and I went to the mall yesterday, and he had me secretly order it for her and have it shipped to our house. I swear, my dad is so gruff on the outside and always worries about money and typically never likes to spend it, but he clearly loves my mom so much and I just think it’s the sweetest thing ever.

bethisinthevicinity replied to your post: Well, folks, the results of The 3…

I’m sorry you didn’t win. You still win in my mind!

<3 <3 Thank you so much, Beth. I got the e-mail that I mentioned on Saturday, but they said the official announcement wouldn’t come until Monday and to not post about it on our social media until then. So I couldn’t even post about the initial anger and disappointment that I felt. I’m a lot calmer now, but it definitely sucks. I’m just trying to keep telling myself that there’s better things ahead (plus last night I finally finished another chapter of my book, so I feel motivated by that to keep on going and finish the rest of the chapters).

Well, folks, the results of The 30 Under 30 Campaign business scholarship have just been announced, and unfortunately, I was not the winner. (Though according to the email I received, the final vote was extremely close.) I want to thank everyone who voted for me and reblogged the posts that I made about the campaign, sometimes multiple times. The fact that you guys rallied around me and tried to help me means the whole world, and I appreciate all of you so much. Though I am disappointed by the results, I have hope that there are bigger and greater things waiting for me on the horizon. Thanks again for your support and friendship—you are all wonderful!

1. You’re not anti-social, you’re selectively social.

2. At any given point, you have one (maybe two) best friends who are your entire life. You’re not a “group of friends” person. You can’t keep up with all that.

3. Social gatherings that are supposed to be “rites of passage” like prom and dances and other such typical nonsense is just… not for you. You don’t understand it. You want nothing to do with it.

4. When you do choose to grace a party with your presence, you are the life of it. You’re dancing on the table and doing body shots until 3 a.m.

5. …You then retreat into three days of complete solitude to recover.

6. You go out of your way to avoid people, but when you inevitably have to interact with them, you make it seem like there’s nothing in the world you’d rather be doing.

7. Dating is weird, because you’re smiling and laughing and talkative at dinner, and then you don’t want to answer their texts for four days, because like, you just want to be left alone…

8. You’re accused of being flirty with everybody, which is hilarious, because in reality, you can only tolerate like four people.

9. You retain an air of mysteriousness about you, completely unintentionally. (There’s no mystery. You just feel no need to update the social sphere on what’s going on in your life every two hours.)

10. Not to mention the fact that you either have days in which you’re tweeting and status updating every five minutes… or you delete your accounts for a month.

11. You become unintentionally awkward because you at once feel the need to be a social life jacket for other people, though you’re just as uncomfortable yourself.

12. You’ve never really understood the whole “introvert vs. extrovert” dichotomy (can we call it that?) Because you’re… both…

13. You’re always run through the ringer because people think you’re best suited to be the one who gives the presentation, confronts the boss, gives the speech, etc. Meanwhile, you’re practically throwing up over the thought of it.

14. You ebb and flow between wanting to be noticed for your hard work, reveling in the attention and achievement you receive, to sinking and panicking over the thought of somebody else paying more than 30 seconds of attention to you.

15. The entirety of your being is a conundrum, so needless to say, indecisiveness is your Achilles’ Heel.

16. You’re at your happiest in places like coffee shops and cafés: surrounded by people, but still closed off and keeping to yourself.

17. You prefer to travel alone, but meet up with people once you’re there, on your own terms and at your own speed.

18. It’s taken you years to figure out that you’re different than many introverts you know. Literal years.

19. While we were chastised as children for daydreaming, we do so deliberately as adults, as our inner lives are rich, fertile, and sustain us.
Christian Marcus Lyons, “19 Struggles Of Having an Outgoing Personality But Actually Being Introverted" (introversioneffect.com)
Well, it was six years ago today that I lost my virginity.

beardygeneclark:

ingravinoveritas:

It’s strange: I no longer cringe or feel the tears welling behind my eyes when I think of it. Not like I used to. And maybe the only thing left that still bothers me is that he is a chapter in my book, while I think I’m barely a footnote in his.

When I say “chapter” I mean that literally, because I did write a piece about that night. It took me four years to be able to write it, but I did. I thought I might share it with you guys now. The title, at least right now, is Breaking and Entering. I may change it to something slightly less…violent, because it doesn’t quite encapsulate the night the way it was. This is written in the present tense, so you are experiencing it as I lived it. (Also, please don’t reprint or repost this anywhere without my permission, because it’s going to be in my book.)

~*~

The facts are simple.

Tonight is the night it’s going to happen.

I can barely breathe as I flit around my apartment, arranging everything just so, making it all perfect and beautiful. The purple silk swishes around my body like water, the crisp taffeta under my skirt rubbing brusquely against my thighs. Every second brings it closer, this night, this plan that I’ve created.

Yes.

It will all go according to plan.

Read More

I almost started crying myself. I read this last night, and it still leaves me without words. I’m sorry this happened to you.

Aww…well thank you. <3 I’m sorry that my piece almost made you cry, but glad that you liked it so much. It took me four years to write it, to tell you the truth. That’s how painful it was to go back into those memories…but I’m glad I did. I really think it’ll be one of the best chapters in my book. And if you read any of my other stuff and feel inclined to give feedback, that would be very much appreciated. Thanks again!

Hi! Can you post links to some of your romantic writings, non-fanfic included? Thanks!
Anonymous

ingravinoveritas:

Hi Anon! Well, uh…wow. I have to admit I’m slightly perplexed, as a) I’ve never received a request like this before; and b) I’m not sure if any of my writings exactly qualify as “romantic.” I mostly tend to write smut—at least fanfic-wise—but I guess some of my non-fanfic stuff could be considered romantic. So here are links to some of my stuff that I think qualify as such…and if you want to check out other writing of mine, you can do so in my #writing and #random writing tags. (Also, for more of my Monkees fanfic writing, you can find it under the name Miss Mini, HERE and HERE.)

Romantic Fanfic Writing

Down in the Bunker (Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert)
Late Night in L.A. (Craig Ferguson/Conan O’Brien)
In the Red (Monkees - Mike Nesmith/Peter Tork)
Long to Lay My Head (Monkees - Peter Tork/Micky Dolenz)
Enraptured (Monkees - Mike Nesmith/Peter Tork)
Backstage Passes (Monkees - Mike Nesmith/Micky Dolenz)
Anxious (Monkees - Mike Nesmith/Peter Tork)

Romantic Non-Fanfic Writing

Tongue In Cheek (About my first French kiss)
Untitled (About a random couple)
Kiss Me (Poem)
Breaking and Entering (About the night I lost my virginity)
Autism: What’s Love Got To Do With It? (Written for a newsletter)
Spread (About being intimate with someone)
Correction (Poem)
I Am a Fool (Poem)
Untitled #2 (About someone for whom I used to have romantic feelings)

Gorgeous perfection. Ugh.

Gorgeous perfection. Ugh.

Hi! Can you post links to some of your romantic writings, non-fanfic included? Thanks!
Anonymous

Hi Anon! Well, uh…wow. I have to admit I’m slightly perplexed, as a) I’ve never received a request like this before; and b) I’m not sure if any of my writings exactly qualify as “romantic.” I mostly tend to write smut—at least fanfic-wise—but I guess some of my non-fanfic stuff could be considered romantic. So here are links to some of my stuff that I think qualify as such…and if you want to check out other writing of mine, you can do so in my #writing and #random writing tags. (Also, for more of my Monkees fanfic writing, you can find it under the name Miss Mini, HERE and HERE.)

Romantic Fanfic Writing

Down in the Bunker (Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert)
Late Night in L.A. (Craig Ferguson/Conan O’Brien)
In the Red (Monkees - Mike Nesmith/Peter Tork)
Long to Lay My Head (Monkees - Peter Tork/Micky Dolenz)
Enraptured (Monkees - Mike Nesmith/Peter Tork)
Backstage Passes (Monkees - Mike Nesmith/Micky Dolenz)
Anxious (Monkees - Mike Nesmith/Peter Tork)

Romantic Non-Fanfic Writing

Tongue In Cheek (About my first French kiss)
Untitled (About a random couple)
Kiss Me (Poem)
Breaking and Entering (About the night I lost my virginity)
Autism: What’s Love Got To Do With It? (Written for a newsletter)
Spread (About being intimate with someone)
Correction (Poem)
I Am a Fool (Poem)
Untitled #2 (About someone for whom I used to have romantic feelings)

I hate this day already. As a result of something that I cannot yet mention, I’m more motivated to write my book than I have been in days, yet I’m not sure if rage-writing is actually the way to go. Ugh.